It’s so strange to be thrust into this new role. I’ve always worked so hard for validation — earning straight A’s, starting a business, hunting and gathering all my accomplishments. Now I’m just handed instant credibility, and all I had to do was accept a diamond ring for it. Wait! Don’t I still need to prove myself?

Maybe there’s a valuable lesson. I may not be a Bridezilla, but I’m definitely a control freak in other ways. Allowing others to gush over me leaves me feeling vulnerable and out of my element, but it’s also something I secretly desire, in that way we all still want our mommies or to harbor secret princess fantasies. There’s a new level of receiving I’m learning, however awkwardly.

Being such an independent Sagittarius, I get irritated when people assume that my entire life revolves around my wedding and being a bride. As though suddenly I have absolutely nothing else to talk about. Unless it’s old, new, borrowed, or blue, no comprendo, amigo.

After showing me pictures of her children, this particular Wife-zilla nudged me conspiratorially, “So, are you thinking of little ones?”

“In a couple of years,” I replied. “Maybe one.”

“Well you’d better get started, girl!” she hooted. “You’re 34. Time’s running out!”

I swear, if there wasn’t a death penalty…

Maybe I’m being unsympathetic. She could just be in “bridal afterglow.” I can imagine that after being licensed to act like the center of the universe for a year, showered with gifts and money, and stamped with society’s ultimate validation, the rest of life pales in comparison. Sure, you can have kids, but that comes with dirty diapers and elastic waistbands — hardly the same perks. I’m actually relieved that I’m buying a house, because it gives me something to look forward to beyond the wedding—a distraction of equal proportion.

Whenever I fear becoming a Wife-zilla, I remind myself that the way I act as a bride will probably be how I act as a wife. And beyond that, the way I acted when I was single probably paved that road long before. When I asked the Wife-zilla what she loved about being a mom, she answered, “I was an only child, and I was totally spoiled and selfish. Having kids forced me to care about something beyond myself.”

Ah-ha. So as a kid, it was always her way, and now she’s woven that into her version of wife and mother.

I know I’m being hardcore today. We all have our karmic life lessons. But brides and wives, please remember: center of the universe disease can be toxic to your friendships. Rather than force-feed our values to each other, I wish we could simply share our “recipes,” then live and let live.

My officemate Amy remarked that she’s never had to make so many choices in such a short time. I think she pinpointed a major bridal stress source. Early on I found myself gripped with “What if?” scenarios. What if peonies are better than dahlias? What if the Indonesian food is too spicy for the guests? What if the loft space I chose is too hard to decorate? In a fit of panic, I even looked at three new venues a couple months ago. With all the choices, I felt like I was being pummeled with fast balls and I could barely even swing the bat.

Now, with just six weeks to go, I’m amazed at how relaxed I am. After stressing out one time too many, I’ve found a certain grace. It came from realizing that it doesn’t frickin’ matter whether the tablecloths are brown or green (although my event designer Naomi would disagree — which is why she’s in charge of those). There are a million choices, and guess what? Most of them will be more than enough for everyone. As my dad always says, there are many roads that lead to Mecca.

It takes a lot of practice and meltdowns, but I truly do want to be present on my wedding day. If that means letting a couple things go awry so I can savor the time with my friends and family, I’ll take the tradeoff.

The Colonial The Victorian

I’ll be damned if my city-girl self didn’t start dreaming about backyards, rocking chair porches, tree-lined drives and mortgage rates. Is this what happens when you marry a sign so different from your own?

I’ve never liked the old-school text in Jewish prayerbooks — can’t understand all those “thous” and “thees” — so I was grateful that Stephanie offered her Informal version, that has wording like this:

“We promise to help each other discover and follow our own true path in life, to try to appreciate our differences as a source of richness, and above all to do everything within our power to permit each of us to become the persons we are yet to be.”

Sagittarius is the truth-teller, and we simply can’t say things we don’t mean. For an independent Sag like me, marrying a Taurus who’s so different yet compatible, this is the kind of vow I can actually make.

The food looks like this:

Bali Nusah’s owner, Mellyanna, is an Aquarius. I find that many Aquarians work in the restaurant industry. I’m not sure why, but I think this sign is not only creative and inventive, but they also really like to make people happy. I love Aquarians because they seem so “normal” on the outside. But their minds are always dreaming up something quirky, and they are razor-sharp. They may be Air signs, but they’re not airheads.

Last night, Mellyanna met with my planner and the florists. While I ate beef satay and gado-gado, they looked at menus and floor plans with the intensity of four-star generals. I continue to marvel that I actually thought I could pull off something of this scale by myself. I’m so relieved to have the team that I do — I’m starting to feel like I can just show up like a guest of honor and truly savor the day. After watching a Bridezilla marathon last week, I definitely don’t want to end up like a domineering basket case trying to manage everyone and enjoy the day. Brides, if you’re getting overwhelmed and insane, get help!

My planner Danielle took me to Linda’s Bra Salon on the Upper East Side to help my semi-dormant femininity blossom. Being a sexy Scorpio, Danielle knows the world of panties far better than I do. I was a little nervous, thinking Linda’s Bra Salon might be a chi-chi boutique, so I wore a cute silk shirt — disguising my ill-fitting strapless cheapie. I knew Linda would disapprove.

To my relief, Linda’s adorable, pink-and-chocolate shop had a warm, feminine atmosphere. Linda Becker, the store’s owner and namesake, kindly saw me without an appointment. She directed me to a curtained area, swiftly measured my bustline, and told me in no uncertain terms that my bra needed a serious upgrade. Yep.

In spite of her no-nonsense skivvy savvy, Linda was also warm and nurturing. I wasn’t surprised to when she told me she’s a Pisces. True to her sign, she’s feminine, intuitive, and a bit magical. Her Leo rising (in Pisces form, she knew her chart), lends her a bold, funny edge. Indeed, she looks exactly like the cartoon depiction on her website:

“Your ribcage is high,” Linda peered over her funky green glasses. “You know that.”

Actually, I didn’t, so I asked her to expound. “Strapless bras might be uncomfortable on you,” Linda explained. And when she arranged my assets into a strapless number that felt like a second skin, I was sold. She flew in and out of the dressing room with handfuls of bras (often leaving the curtain askew–but in a way that actually made me feel at home, rather than embarrassed). She cinched me in to one sexy bra after another, rejecting the ones that weren’t perfect, celebrating those that were. As we chattered about astrology, relationhips and weddings, she occasionally punctuated her thoughts with a pat to my boob — in the same “just-between-us-girls” way another person might tap you on the forearm. Again, it just seemed natural.

Linda isn’t just a master , she’s a teacher, too. She left me alone with my strapless bra, commanding, “Get yourself organized into this and show me your work.” I did my best, then Linda added an extra hoist and shuffle to finish it off. Voila — I have a new Chantelle Senso Strapless bra, complete with silicone reinforcements, and removable straps that can be worn four different ways:

I left with six beautiful new bras–with panties to match–and the bill came to $450. I expected it to be twice that at least. Yay! When Linda tapped her forehead and declared, “Sexy is here. In the mind. That’s where it starts–no matter how pretty your panties are,” I knew Linda she was my new “bosom buddy” for life.

I’m sure the perfect pair will reveal itself when I have a few bites of Misha’s cooking. Vika’s style is cool because it’s not princess-like. It’s got a modern, artistic and handmade look that I really dig. Vika is a Gemini, which explains why she works with her hands so well, and creates this funky, non-traditional style of jewelry.